He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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