Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
