Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
