I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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