I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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