apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
