Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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