1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
