Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just gargled with NyQuil
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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