Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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