are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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