Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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