i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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