How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
