hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
