I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
