Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
