I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
