Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
