Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
handjob tips. give me some.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
