Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
