remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
