every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
