Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
