no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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