the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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