I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
