did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
