Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
