im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
