C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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