i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
