Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
