party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
