i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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