and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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