I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
