There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
