At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
