i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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