toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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