Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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