is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everything about him screamed your future.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize