you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
