I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
