your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
