how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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