I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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