It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
