i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We talked him into tasing himself.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
