i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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