just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
