oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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